“Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle.”
This little phrase keeps bouncing around in my head as I find myself wrestling with Big Bro and the new journey in to the world of meds. I have been alerted to the fact that regulating them can be a rough road. I thought the past 5 and a half years were a challenging road but it looks like there’s still more to go. We have already adjusted them 3 times and added Melatonin to the mix. Sleep does not come easily to him now and instead of having him in bed early evening and then up at the crack of dawn (no matter what), he cannot fall asleep till between 8 and 10 (no matter what) and I have to wake him up in the morning. I know there is a more middle of the road somewhere. We are watching the underlying issues surface and anxiously await our appointment with the psychiatrist. There is clearly more going on than just ADHD.
I am so thankful for wisdom and insight, though. I can still see and feel God’s leading through all of this. There is solace and peace in knowing that I have done everything I could do to make sure we really did need the meds. I just didn’t want to be that parent that medicated first because of not wanting to deal with him.
Going through this medication adjustment though has been challenging on a personal level. It brought out some of the more troubling behaviors that we have not dealt with in a while due to natural things we have been doing but made them more intense. It felt like steps backward. And it felt painful. Like internal pain that you can’t wriggle free from. Pain that felt like it would swallow me up if I couldn’t find relief. Thankfully, God was merciful and we have only had 3 or 4 bad, intense days during each change and adjustment.
As difficult as it has been though, the positives are shining through. For the first time since putting him in a big boy bed he can stay on his bed to fall asleep now for the most part even though its taking him longer to fall asleep. And the gentle heart shows through as he tearfully rescues animals from the cats. And given him the ability to do chores around the house.
His teacher said he worked in his journal for 45 minutes straight a few weeks ago and he spent a good half hour/45 minutes riding on the tractor with Hubby yesterday.
Those are miracle moments. Moments I would have missed if I had quit when it got super intense and painful. I know we still have a long road, but these miracle moments are now memories. Memories that will spur me on when the going gets tough, again.
If you find yourself in a difficult place in life, press on and push through. God does not give us more than we can handle with his help. Stay close to Him and don’t quit- the miracle might just be five minutes away!