God blew me away this weekend. I am convinced that if you pay attention to the little things in life you will see Him moving and working in amazing ways.
I have been feeling his provision, guidance and love but He gave me an amazing gift this weekend. It is as if he’s been righting the wrongs and heartaches and sorrows that have been apart of my life. I can honestly say that all of that was in place for a reason and had a purpose, though.
Hubby’s boss had a party Saturday night. They live on the border of a huge farm and are allowed to use the trails through the woods. So we borrowed a John Deere gator from work, left the kiddos with my parents and met a bunch of people there for trail rides. We went through brush, trees and weeds, over rocks, fast around turns. Plus we did a little hiking through the creek and found a gorgeous waterfall.
Now that might not seem like something so great- cruising through brush and bumping around on the back of an ATV, but let me take you back a bit.
I only fit in around the outside edges through school. I was acquainted with many people, but close friends with none. In high school, I was apart of a youth group but didn’t do much hanging out outside of group functions. The guys of the group were farm boys all into big trucks and muddin’. True to high school fashion I crushed on a few of them, but God kept things slow in the love dept. But oh how I wanted to be apart of the fun.
I got to go out once, but my dad threw a fit the whole way to dropping me off. So much for having a good time. I can’t remember anything beyond his fit on the way there that night.
The gift was doing what I had always wanted to do- what had looked so fun- that I never got to experience. The best part was it was a much safer with an experienced thirty-something as opposed to a learning high-schooler. Plus I was with my hubby- so there were no boundaries to worry about romantically.
It felt like God was giving me the desires of my heart, making right the years that I sat on the sidelines and obeyed my parents. I felt like they were being unreasonable then and I still feel that way, but there was blessing in honoring them for God.
I finished reading Spirit Hunger by Gari Meacham, which I am going to start over. There was too much to digest the first time around. In the last chapter, she talks about sorrow and the role it plays. It was comforting to hear her say:
“Receiving ourselves in sorrow leads to freshness in our lives. The freedom to have an expectant outlook rather than a bitter one. One thing I know about sorrow is that it either pushes us towards hope or abandons us in anger.”
I can say that God blessed me through those early years with hope and an expectant outlook. I just knew from somewhere within that there was more to life, things just weren’t right but would get better. It took almost 30 years to get away from it all and heal, but God is bringing about freshness from the pain of sorrow.
And it was ever so clear on those trail rides.