Well…. Happy New Year!!
Another year has gone and a new has come yet again. We have made another trip around the sun. As the new year dawns, I can’t help but wonder what the days will hold in store for us.
In light of the healing God granted me last year, 2015 holds more promise than I can ever remember a year holding. Personally, I feel as if the end of the trials have begun and it seems that my world is on the verge of being set right. This is a new feeling for me because there has always been a storm cloud hovering just overhead from as early as I can remember back in my life.
I learned early about God’s sovereignty and was taught not to question God. I grew up in a broken down tiny home and can remember financial stress from an early age. I lived an isolated life as an only child who came along later in life to parents who lived at the extreme side of conservative Christianity. I remember thinking as a little girl that there was something not right about my extended family in the way that they treated each other. I was always at the outside looking in, never really feeling the sense of belonging anywhere in particular. But God preserved me in those early years through high school.
The sense of belonging finally appeared when I came into Hubby’s family and I saw a whole new family system modeled for me. I was loved and accepted into their family, even the extended family, in a way that I had not been outside of my parents. But, learning to be a wife proved to be challenging as I now had to make sense of my past and apply it to the present. I found that I was not well-equiped and struggled to make the necessary changes needed to create the life that we wanted. And God guided me through the process, changing me as I went.
Motherhood brought more struggle and trials as ADHD emerged in Big Bro with all sorts of behavioral problems. I hadn’t yet mastered the wife and homekeeping thing yet but was thrown into extreme parenting, if you will. Those were the darkest years of my life thus far, muddling through personal growth, learning to be a good wife and home keeper, as well as trying to parent these two boys and solve the difficulties with Big Bro simultaneously… And I had absolutely NO IDEA I was battling ADD issues, too.
During that time, our home was slowly being dismantled, of sorts. Ten years of living in this home has created some wear and tear. We have kept finding issues with it that needed to be addressed- some have been taken care of and others are still a mess. Currently, I am waiting on a water supply issue to be fixed as well as a kitchen floor, a washer and dryer and baseboard/trim that need to be replaced. I learned how to spackle, so I did manage to get the walls repaired and painted slowly over the years. That proved to be an creative outlet through the storms providing some stress relief. The little progresses kept hope alive!
But motherhood also brought salvation, as the head knowledge of God became heart knowledge and I began a true relationship with the Lord. The trials and struggles of my life has brought about a change in me that I am grateful for- a change that could not have happened without those trials and struggles. Even before my point of salvation, the events of my life were all orchestrated to prepare me to fulfill the purpose for which I was created.
I can tell you that it is by the grace of God that I made it through safely this far. I can also tell you that I have not done any of this in my own strength. God provided me with the fighter spirit, grit and determination I needed to muscle through yet he carried me through most of it and I have come through a different person than when I went in. I feel the proof of His healing as I write these things and there is no pain or resentment. I can view the past circumstances and events as strictly facts about my life. They no longer have a hold on me and for that I praise God!
Last year I ditched the idea of a new year’s resolution and successfully tried out the concept of choosing a word or phrase for the year. I sought out achieving a peaceful calm and the Lord did some amazing things, finally granting that to me by calming my restless mind as He brought me to a place of complete surrender to Him.
So after praying about this coming year, I am moving into 2015 with a new word.
I have learned so much about life and time management, being a wife, mother and friend as well as who I really am and its just time to be intentional about putting it all together and living it out on purpose in 2015. I know it is going to be challenging but I also know it is going to be just as, if not more, rewarding. God brought a few things across my path that breathed purpose into this endeavor. Again, God used Nicki Koziarz’s words to speak to me. She hit the nail on the head when she posted this to Facebook:
See, sometimes I feel like I have good intentions for my days but I’m not intentional with my time. I kinda tend to “go where the wind is blowing …”
-If the fridge is empty, I have to stop what I’m doing and go to the grocery store.
-If the laundry is overflowing, I have to stop life and do laundry.
-If I need to spend time writing an article/devotion, I have to let something else go to make time.
In other words, I tend to do what I have to do depending on what life needs from me that day.
But I’ve discovered living my life this way makes me feel like I’m not really living. I feel like I’m in a hamster wheel of “to-do’s” but never enough time or energy to actually do it all.
You know that quote: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” yes … this.
and He has given me these verses for perspective.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,
Teach us to number our days,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
This year living intentional means setting goals. My biggest ones are to:
1. Read through the Bible, studying it chronologically. I am planning on studying Genesis, Job and the early church in depth for sure but will be open to God’s leading beyond that.
2. Seek out more ways to master and manage my ADD symptoms. I am starting with a revamped daily routine, have incorporated a modified home binder to deal with my piles and have further honed the purpose of the office to be less extra room/storage and more of a command center serving me as I keep our home, maintain this blog and spend time with God.
3. Pour into the boys and love on Hubby more. These relationships are the most important and have been given to me by God as a gift. I want to be more intentional in pouring into these relationships and put more effort into building them up. Right now, these are my most important God-given purpose.
As 2014 closed and 2015 began, God has provided and begun providing for so many of my needs both physically and emotionally that I am a bit overwhelmed. It seems as if he is bringing me out of the valley. The storm clouds appear to be dissipating and it seems that clear skies are on the horizon. It feels strange not to have the heaviness that has always weighed me down but I am looking forward to what God has for me in this new year.
What about you? Are you more comfortable with a resolution or a word for the new year? What is it? I would love to know what you are working towards in this new year and be able to support you as we journey together! Leave your word or resolution in the comment section below.